Reporting live from the City of The Unexpected

As it happened…

  1. “People think it’s a load of old cobblers, but take a look yourself – it’s massive!” says James Kettle, gardener at the National Botanic Garden.

    Horticulturalists at the National Botanic Garden of Wales in Carmarthenshire have been left baffled by a giant peach growing on the wrong tree – a Ilex platyphylla – a rare, evergreen holly usually found growing wild on the Canary Isles.

    The fruit – which typically grows to about 150g – has grown to over 2kg at the Gardens’ Great Glass House, and shows no sign of stopping.

    Gardener James Kettle, told The Bulletin: “I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years of working here. It was just over two kilos already, and we only just found it last week. Its circumference has grown by five centimeters in the last two days alone. And how did it get there? That’s what I’d like to know.”

    The Garden has seen an unprecedented rise in visitor numbers, as experts travel from around the globe to try and explain the phenomenon, conspiracy theorists crowd round the peach and tut, and rosette-hungry jam enthusiasts eye it up for their annual village fête.

    “Everyone here remembers the world’s heaviest kohlrabi being discovered in west Wales – we found that one in Boncath in 2002,” added Kettle, who lives in Cross Hands. “The media circus around that was intense. But this – this is something else. I’ve no idea how we’ll ever get it through the doors of the greenhouse. It’s starting to frighten the kids.”

    The Garden later released a statement reassuring all young visitors that “the giant peach poses no health and safety risk.”

  2. The Welsh Public are being asked to keep their eyes peeled for over-sized fruit, after a giant peach went missing from a warehouse in South-West Wales last Monday.

    The scaled-up snack, believed to be at least two metres tall, was first discovered at the National Botanic Gardens in March. “Over Easter, it just kept growing,” a spokesgardener told The Bulletin. “Our Glass House can’t handle fruit of that magnitude. So we called in the experts.”

    The peach was placed into the custody of the governmental Department U.M.M. (Unexplained Moments and Manifestations), who impounded it in a secure warehouse. U.M.M. Chief Trevor Davies remains baffled by the disappearance. “Peaches don’t just get up and walk out of a locked warehouse. Or do they?” said Davies, 42.


    Trevor Davies has set up a temporary road block on the warehouse driveway whilst he continues investigations.
    Trevor Davies has set up a temporary road block on the warehouse driveway whilst he continues investigations.

    The fructose feast went AWOL during the small hours of Monday 9th May, but the Department failed to discover its absence until mid-afternoon. “The culprits knocked out our CCTV cameras,” Davies told The Bulletin. “My monitor screen had gone all fuzzy, but I just assumed we were doing some extreme close-up analysis on the skin.”

    Asked whether the peach poses any risk to public safety, Davies remains cautious. “At this point, there are too many variables. Wasp attractor-factor. Roll-ability. Nectarine confusion. My advice to anyone encountering a fruit of unexpected proportions is: do not approach. Call us immediately.”

    When challenged on his department’s ability to contain a peach they have already lost once, Davies is optimistic. “You’re talking to the man who netted the Bala Lake Banana in ’91. Rest assured, I’ll leave no stone unturned until this bad boy is back in the can.”

  3. Meteorologists are scratching their heads at strange weather systems appearing unexpectedly across Wales.

    The incidents began in Haverfordwest on Saturday 28th May, when a small blizzard covered No.8 Culvert Park in a thick blanket of snow overnight.

    Stranger still, the weird weather has had a curious side-effect on the residents of No.8, the Prosser family. “We now speak in rhyme, all of the time,” said Mr Prosser. “My dear wife Sue doesn’t know what to do. Her friends down the bingo are alarmed by her lingo. And as for our daughter, she’s even distraughter. Her name is Jules. She’s broken the rules. You rhyme on your own time, not on the school’s.”


    grit salt
    Gritters In A Tizz At Bamboozling Blizz

    Similar effects have been noted as the baffling blizzard made sudden appearances throughout Pembrokeshire, causing experts to warn of an outbreak of so-called “rhyme disease”.

    “The blizzard is nomadic, the rhyming sporadic,” says meteorologist Denise Quaid, who examined the freak storm up-close. “There really is no rhyme or reason, for weather like this to occur out of season. It’s all extremely odd indeed. We’ll investigate, with all due speed.”

    Ms Quaid believes the rhyme-inducing snow-storms to be perfectly safe, and with no adverse long-term effects. “There’s no lasting harm or cause for alarm. The public are not in immediate danger. We’ll alert the authorities if it gets any stranger.”

    Governmental Department U.M.M. (Unexplained Moments & Manifestations) declined to comment on the phenomenon. However, The Bulletin did manage to interview spoken-word poet George Murray, aka MC Truth, who advised anyone encountering the blizzard to seek shelter in “abstract word association or free verse.”

    The Bulletin would like to assure its readers that any threat to the nation is without foundation. Claims that the condition is highly contagious, have so far proved to be wholly outrageous.

  4. The strange disappearance of a giant peach, as recently reported in The Bulletin, took a further twist last weekend, when it was spotted at Pont Abraham Services on the M4.

    Eyewitnesses claim the peach has doubled in size, and now has a resting circumference of “at least 4 metres.”

    Since its escape from the custody of Department U.M.M. (Unexpected Moments & Manifestations), The Bulletin has been following investigator Trevor Davies (42), as he hunts the peach in his custom-fitted ‘U.M.M.Mobile’.

    The trail warmed up when traffic news for the region reported “unexpected jams.” Juice tracks on the hard shoulder confirmed it, and Davies’s nostrils twitched with the primal reflex of the hunter scenting his prey.

    As we approached Pont Abraham, Davies showed me the specialised equipment at his disposal. “You can’t take chances with your big-game groceries. I’ve got Smoothie Sonar, two surface-to-pear missiles and four sweet-seekers, a fruit-packing cannery, a fruit-pecking canary, and a scanner that goes “ping” in the presence of Papaya.”

    On arriving at the service station, Davies began setting up his pop-up preserve factory, while I interviewed several by-standers. Mother-of-three Penny Potts, 31, had been the first to encounter the peach, in the upper car park. “It was absolutely incredible; mind-blowing, really,” said Mrs Potts. “I mean, it took up over three parking spaces – how selfish can you get?”

    The Bulletin followed her directions – just in time to see a crowd of jubilant children waving farewell to a large, spherical object, as it rolled down a grassy bank onto the A48.

    Long-distance trucker James Campbell, 58, witnessed the departure. “The peach looked refreshed,” he said. “Something in the lustre of its skin spoke of a fruit setting off on a long haul.”

    Davies had just finished assembling a conveyor belt, when I informed him that the peach had slipped through his fingers. “It’s all part of my plan,” he replied, after a long pause. “I’m lulling it into a false sense of security. The game is afoot, Barton. To the U.M.M.Mobile!”

  5. A restaurant in Rhyl is experiencing a ‘big’ buzz after a customer unexpectedly grew to over seven metres in height last Friday.

    Ifan Jenkins, 71, was halfway through a seafood gumbo when his legs began to swiftly lengthen, sending him crashing up through the ceiling, alarming fellow-diners at The Squid & Sospan. The retired bus-driver came to a halt several seconds later, but not before he had breached the restaurant’s roof, startling a seagull and severely grazing a magpie.

    Mr Jenkins’s wife Rhiannon, 66, takes up the story. “We were arguing about dessert when Ifan began to foam at the mouth. At first, I was amazed he felt so strongly about gelato. Then his head hit the chandelier, and I thought to myself: “there’s something not quite right here.””

    “The food was glowing slightly, and tasted a bit odd,” said Mr Jenkins. “I remember thinking, “Oy oy. Someone’s angling for a Michelin Star.” Then everything went a bit woozy, and before I knew it, I was eye to eye with a chimney.”


    squid-and-sospan
    Profits “through the roof” at extraordinary eatery.

    Moving Mr Jenkins is considered a structural risk to the 500-year-old listed building. Temporary scaffolding has been erected around the pensioner, while the owners wait to see if the effects will wear off. A winch-and-pulley system delivers meals to the guttering-bound Gulliver, and several blackbirds have taken up residence in his beard, which has expanded to the dimensions of a moderately-sized gorse.

    Owners are baffled as to the cause of the gargantuan growth spurt, although Head Chef Darren Davies admits to modifying his regular recipe. “A strange couple down the market sold me a bottle of sauce from their cart. They hoovered my head with a mini-vac for some bizarre reason. The next day, I added a few drops to the gumbo.” he said. When asked to summarise the flavor of the mystery marinade, Mr Davies described it as “marvelous, and ever so slightly medicinal.”

    When the Bulletin attempted to locate the traders and their curious concoctions, we found no trace of the stall in question. However, the government organization known as the Ministry Of The Predictable is concerned. “This is the second unexpected event in as many months.” said a spokeswoman, who refused to be named in this article (although to this reporter’s eyes, she looked very much like a Sally). “The National Unexpected Rating has been upgraded to “Rather”. We’re advising the public to remain as predictable as possible, until further notice.”

    Meanwhile, thrill-seeking foodies are flocking to The Squid & Sospan, in the hope of replicating the ultimate in “extreme dining.” As The Bulletin descended in a cherry-picker from his roof-top eyrie, the sky-scraping septuagenarian remained in cheerful spirits. “The waiters normally look down on me in places like this. But now the tables have turned,” Mr Jenkins chuckled.


    National-Unexpected-Rating

  6. Fresh appearances of a mysterious Giant Peach have generated waves of excitement along the West Wales coast this month.

    Now estimated to measure 6 metres in circumference, the fantastical fruit wowed the crowd at the Freedom Fest music festival, near St. David’s in Pembrokeshire. The Giant Peach was sighted several times throughout the weekend, sparking an outbreak of so-called “Peachmania.”

    Freedom Fest already places a strong emphasis on fruit, prompting locals to dub the annual event “Glastonberry”. “There’s tonnes of strawberries on site.” organiser Darryl Mumford (31) told The Bulletin, “And they may well have been what attracted the Peach here initially; though if you ask me, it’ll have decided to stay thanks to the ample parking, excellent toilet facilities, and positive vibes.”

    Arriving on the Sunday afternoon with professional peach-hunter Trevor Davies (42), The Bulletin began to piece together the Peach’s festival diary, while Davies started the painstaking process of dusting individual grains of gravel for traces of juice.

    Various eyewitnesses confirmed that the Peach fully immersed itself in the festival spirit. On the Friday evening, it was spotted on the Main Stage, joining jazz-funk trio Trefin Machine during a jam, and nearly flattening several audience members in a bout of ill-advised crowd-surfing. Later on, it was glimpsed “having it large” in the dance tent until the break of dawn.

    The Peach’s relatively low profile on the Saturday remains a mystery, although Mr Mumford suspects it may have been startled by the high proportion of blenders being used on the festival’s many smoothie stalls.

    But it’s in the local music scene that the Peach has made the biggest impact, inspiring a plethora of bands, from St David’s to Fishguard. “This is our generation’s traveling troubadour – the ultimate rolling stone!” said Ryan Jones (21), lead singer of Porthgain popsters The Peach Boys. “Our Food Vibrations E.P. celebrates its progress so far, and we’re gonna follow the Peach all summer long on tour.”

    The band are also collaborating with Solva’s Panic Eat Peaches, on an experimental album exploring the hidden harmonics of gooseberries. “There’s never been a better time to be part of the Welsh fruit-core scene,” Jones enthused.

    As Sunday evening drew to a close, The Bulletin joined revelers in the Sacred Stone Circle overlooking the sea, trying to figure out if we were witnessing the Giant Peach continuing on its unexpected journey, or simply the sun, setting in the west. A breathless Trevor Davies arrived at my side, brandishing his freshly-analysed gravel samples. “The Peach is almost within my grasp!” he beamed, as the last sliver of reddish-orange vanished over the horizon.

  7. Recent sightings of a large fox in Cardiff have had an unexpected impact on the city’s art scene.

    Footage of the animal was first captured on CCTV, at 3am on Saturday 23rd July, in The Stop & Motion pub, Canton. The film appears to show a man-sized fox inspecting several guest ales, before pouring and quaffing a pint of organic cider.

    When opening the premises the following morning, landlord Owain Wilson made an unusual discovery. “There was this drawing, propped against an empty pint glass, by the till,” said Mr Wilson.

    The drawing in question – a scratchy pen portrait of a fox-like figure, walking on its hind legs – now has pride of place behind the bar. “I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like,” Mr Wilson said, “And what I like, is paying customers. Luckily, since I put the picture up, the punters can’t get in here fast enough.”

    Following his late night pint, the fox dropped in for a pre-dawn bacon & egg sandwich at Monk’s Breakfast Bar, on Cowbridge Road East. Further peculiar payment for his provisions was witnessed by owner Les Anderson, who filmed the incident on his phone.

    Mr Anderson showed The Bulletin his recording, in which the fox places a stencil on a wall at the rear of the café, before applying spray paint in several colours. The finished picture depicts a hen in a bowler hat, perched precariously on a Union Jack egg, while other hens wearing international costumes look on with concern. The painting, entitled “Breggsit”, is signed by the mysterious artist as ‘FOXSY’.

    Since the first two artworks appeared, original ‘Foxsys’ have sprung up throughout the city, and are already highly sought-after by collectors. The fleet-footed artist has also inspired his own fanclub, ‘Cool To The Paw’, who are arranging a city-wide exhibition of Foxsy’s work. “Cardiff is his canvas,” founding member Jill Trethowan told The Bulletin. “We think he’s fantastic.”

    Unfortunately, a spokesperson for the Ministry Of The Predictable was unable to comment, after Foxsy painted their staff mobile phones a shade of magenta, rendering them instantly priceless, and unusable under Ministry guidelines.

    In accordance with 1985 Unexpected Moments Act, The Ministry has raised the National Unexpected Rating (NUR) to “Very”.

    NUR-Very


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    Congratulations to Tony & Andy of Tonypandy! John Masefield was indeed peeking out from behind a pillar, in the top-left corner of the Banquet Hall. Your Ted Hughes Tazos are in the post!

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  8. Read the original Bulletin story here: Weather Watchers “Ill At Ease” By Curious Spurious ‘Rhyme Disease’


    Fears that ‘Rhyme Disease’ is continuing to spread throughout Wales were confirmed on Thursday evening. Whilst reporting on the poetic plague, Bulletin’s guest Meteorologist Derek Brockway slipped into verse, seemingly unperturbed by his unexpected ode. This comes just days after a NASA Probe sent back weird weather data to Earth in limerick form, prompting investigations into a potential interstellar outbreak.

    The government organization known as the Ministry Of The Predictable remains concerned, but are maintaining the National Unexpected Rating at ‘Very’.


    ATTENTION: If you, or anyone you know (including any pets) have experienced an abrupt outbreak of ‘Rhyme Disease’, The Bulletin would like to know. Send your evidence to us using #UnexpectedCity.


     

  9. Panic has gripped the isle of Anglesey in North Wales, where a wayward Giant Peach is causing summer season chaos.

    On a sweltering mid-August Monday, The Bulletin arrived in a region rife with rumours of deadly fruit in the water. Local shop owner Jane Cameron, 33, first encountered the aquatic menace. “I just thought it was a blood-orange moon. But my husband Alec said, “that’s no moon.” And he was right. It was a Giant ruddy Peach.”

    The Peach has shaken the community to its core, shedding mile-wide juice-slicks at several tourist hotspots. When combined with salty sea-water, these juice-slicks create deadly ‘Bittersweet Riptides’ that can trap unwary swimmers for hours, as they drink the irresistibly moreish liquid.

    Lifeguards have issued tourists with caramel armbands, which, when consumed on top of the salty-sweet water, saturate the victim’s tastebuds, allowing them to swim to safety. So far, the slicks have claimed only one victim, Quentin Hooper, 19, whose condition remains stable in a food-coma.

    Local wildlife has also been affected by the slicks, with sea-birds developing a condition known as ‘Sweet Beak’. Several sweet shops and ice-cream parlors have already been ransacked, as juiced-up gangs of gulls embark on hyperactive raids for sugar-loaded snacks.

    At an emergency meeting, the advice of Peach Hunter Trevor Davies (42) from U.M.M. (Unexpected Moments & Manifestations) fell on deaf ears. “You yell “dangerous currants”, everybody says “Huh? What?”” said Mayor John Williams, 55. “You yell Giant Peach? We’ve got a panic on our hands, as we begin to approach the August Bank Holiday Weekend.”

    Undaunted, Davies took The Bulletin out on his custom-fitted ‘U.M.M.Marine’, towing a specially constructed Giant Peach-netting float. After several hours’ fruitless harvest, we finally found our quarry – or rather, our quarry found us.

    Since our last encounter, the Peach’s circumference has expanded to over seven metres. Our vessel was almost capsized as the luscious leviathan breached the surface, creating a small tidal wave that swept the Peach to shore before Davies could activate his device.

    For the first time since setting off on our unexpected quest, Davies appeared to be unsettled by his fruity foe. “We’re gonna need a bigger float,” he said.

  10. Wales’s National Unexpected Rating has been upgraded to ‘Very’ this week, after strange goings-on at the Lambton Hotel in Llandrindod Wells. The Ministry Of The Predictable were called to the scene, after a young guest began to exhibit behavior hotel staff describe as “undeniably mouse-like.”

    Hamish MacLeod, 13, first provoked alarm when he single-handedly devoured an entire mixed cheese board – usually enough for an entire evening sitting at the popular Powys venue. Later that night, the boy’s mother Janice, 45, called the emergency services, after her son disappeared in highly unusual circumstances.

    “He was acting a bit odd before bed, burrowing into the quilt and gnawing the sheets. But you know what teenagers are like.” However, at 3am Janice and husband Ken, 48, were awakened by “an almighty squeaking.”

    “There was our Hamish, silhouetted against the full moon, “ said Ken. “He’d shrunk to half his usual height, was covered in grey fur, and he’d grown what looked like… well, a tail.”

    The adolescent mouse-child proceeded to prise open the bedroom window with a paw, before scampering across the hotel roof and down a drainpipe.

    Regarding the possible cause of the mysterious ‘mouseformation’, Hotel Manager Angela Huston insists that no suspicious activity has been reported by The Lambton’s other residents. “We’re currently hosting a popular golf-club event, the ACP (Annual Conference of Putters). A more respectable collection of ladies you could not hope to find,” she said. “They always wear their evening gloves, even in the height of summer – sheer class! If anything unusual was afoot, they’d spot it.”

    Nevertheless, following other unexpected events across Wales in recent months, the Ministry Of The Predictable are taking steps to prevent a “summer of anarchy”. The organisation have tasked their finest minds with finding a humane solution to capturing the delinquent demi-rodent. A Ministry boffin outlined their plan to The Bulletin:

    “We place a large piece of cheese beneath a giant plastic cage, suspended on a rickety pole,” he said. “Meanwhile, in the surrounding streets, we construct a series of winding slides and a curving chute.

    “As soon as Hamish takes the bait, a Ministry Agent releases a silver ball into the slide. The ball travels down the slides and chute, until it triggers the release of a second ball – or ‘Ball 2’ – from its position on an aerial scaffold.

    “Ball 2 drops into a bath suspended on this scaffold. This bath has a hole cut into in it, big enough for the ball to fall through. Adjacent to the suspended bath contraption, a second Ministry agent will be waiting, standing on a see-saw. Now, here’s the ingenious part. The hole in the suspended bath is positioned directly above the opposite side of this see-saw!

    “If my calculations are correct, when Ball 2 lands, the resulting ‘spring board effect’ will send our brave agent catapulting through the air, and into a nearby tub (Editor’s note: this tub is entirely different to, and distinct from, the suspended bath tub contraption.)

    “It is my belief that this final, decisive action will cause the plastic cage to descend the rickety pole, thus trapping the mouse. We can’t fail.”

    The Ministry dismissed The Bulletin’s suggestion that they lure Hamish out of hiding with dry, cheese-bearing biscuits as “simply crackers.”

  11. The now-notorious Giant Peach has been sighted in the Brecon Beacons over the Bank Holiday weekend.

    What’s more, experts predict there’s every chance the ginormous grocery – now believed to be at least 8 metres high – will appear in a major Welsh city in the coming weeks.

    In a picturesque lay-by, The Bulletin caught up with expert Peach Hunter Trevor Davies, 42, for an update on his progress.

    Before starting the daily search, Davies has to fend off an influx of amateurs, keen to be the first to capture the fantastic fruit. “Your weekend Peach Hunters mean well, but they do more harm than good,” he tells me, as he packs up his tent. “This Giant Peach is serious business. You go after it with tin-foil and Tupperware, you’re going home in a Gro-Bag.”

    Davies’s own tracking methods have evolved in a more organic direction. Gone is the high-tech kit of previous expeditions. Since taking to the hills, he’s gone back to basics, exploring the traditional druidic practice of “Fruit Whispering.”

    “At twilight, the ancient Bards would listen to what the local fruit had to tell them,” says Davies, holding a banana to his ear like a telephone. “They believed that to catch unusual fruit, you had to become the fruit.”

    There’s no doubt that physically, Davies is starting to resemble his prey. A light fuzz covers cheeks bronzed peachy-pink from the sun, and his belly curves from one service station breakfast too many.

    “Our ancestors knew all about Giant Fruit,” he continues. “Grocerologists think that Stonehenge was constructed as a huge set of stone platters – the precursor to the slate plates used in many restaurants today. This makes even more sense alongside my own theory – that crop circles are, in fact, prehistoric serving suggestions.”

    A full day’s foraging in the Beacons turns up no sign of the Peach, and so Davies pitches his tent on the soft, slightly boggy ground of the hillside.

    In the middle of the night, we’re suddenly awakened by a mighty rumbling sound, the ground bucking and rolling as if struck by a powerful earthquake.

    We emerge from the wreckage of the tent, only to see the “hill” on which we’ve camped rolling away down the mountain road. Grabbing his binoculars, Davies confirms the sighting. The Giant Peach is on the move, once again…

  12. The hills (and valleys) are alive with sweet music, The Bulletin can reveal, as the latest occurrence in a summer of unexpected events hits South Wales.

    Abertillery amateur brass band Top Trumps were alarmed during a recent rehearsal, when their musical instruments partially transformed into an assortment of sweets and chocolate bars.

    “Half-way through ‘The Lincolnshire Poacher’, Freddo, our First Tuba, started to go slightly flat,” said conductor Llewellyn Christopher, 51. “Then at the end of ‘The Floral Dance’, he gave an almighty parp and showered the Euphoniums in cola bottles.”

    The rehearsal swiftly descended into confectionary chaos, with Trombone slides becoming candy canes, French Horn valves replaced with fun-size choc bars, and Cornets clogging up with flakes.

    “We normally have a break after eight, when the band get the munchies,” Christopher explained, “But we had to call it a night when the Third Trumpet nearly drowned in wine gums.”

    However, their delicious new direction has seen the band fully booked into 2017, with sweet-toothed music-lovers lapping up the mouthwatering mix of show-stoppers and gob-stoppers.

    The tantalizing transformation has also ramped up the band’s rivalry with Blaenau Gwent County pro-band, All Gold. Conductor Terry Mackintosh has rushed to cash in on the trend, swapping his baton for a lollipop, and sculpting a Flugel Horn from nougat.

    But All Gold’s attempts to emulate Top Trumps’ success has failed to get punters chomping at the bit. “For too long, Terry’s had his pick & mix of the county’s best players,” grinned Christopher. “This is our golden ticket. He’s livid, but he can chew it!”

    Local health officials are worried that Christopher and his band are becoming confectionary-obsessed, but the conductor dismisses their concerns.

    “There’s been some snickers on the topic from the usual smarties,” he said, “But that kind of flakiness is a dime a dozen.

    “Given the boost this bounty has given to the local music scene, we won’t let a few whispers fudge our galaxy of revels. I’ll personally ensure nothing mars what we minstrels are planning twix’t now and Christmas, for every boy, girl, m&m and dad.”

  13. The summer’s slew of unexpected events appears to be converging on Cardiff, The Bulletin can reveal. Reports reaching us this week describe several of the City’s statues moving freely about the capital, browsing in shops and sampling the nightlife.

    Queen Street’s statue of Aneurin Bevan was the first to raise a rumpus, appearing on stage for an open mic spot at Gigglez comedy club.

    The Labour legend launched into a wry observational riff about seagulls, finishing his act with impersonations of several leading politicians, described by an audience member as “blisteringly accurate.”

    Later, the NHS architect-in-bronze was witnessed sneaking up behind a stag party and placing a traffic cone on a reveler’s head, shouting “see how you like it!”

    Jennifer’s Nightclub on Womanby Street, meanwhile, saw an appearance by two stone angels at its regular karaoke night. The duo treated the crowd to rousing renditions of Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” and ‘Stand And Deliver’ by Adam & The Ants, before launching into a medley of hits from Blink 182.

    Despite proving a hit with pedestrians, Cardiff’s busking community have been moved to protest. “It’s unfair competition,” human statue Dai Cast told The Bulletin. “Since these Johnny-move-latelys have started zipping around the place, business has ground to a halt.”

    However, Cast and his colleagues are preparing for a stand-off. “The Human Statues of Cardiff are mobilising,” Cast said. “Our newly-formed Union, ‘Still Here’, aren’t going to stand for this.”

    True to their word, ‘Still Here’ are already planning their first protest, where they intend to bring Cardiff City Centre to an almost imperceptible standstill. The authorities would like to reassure the public that Slow Motion response teams are standing by.


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  14. Trevor Davies, the Private eye with a penchant for peach, has appeared on an interview with Jason Phelps at BBC Radio Wales, The Bulletin can reveal. Since meeting Mr Davies in early May, he’s been refining his techniques to capture the elusive fruit, and now prefers a more organic approach, known as fruit whispering. Listen to the full interview below.


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  15. Witches have come to the Queens Arcade steps! Removing their wigs and putting on their cloaks, chanting to rid the world of children!

  16. The Witches are entertaining crowds at Queens Arcade – keep your children away though, they have promised to ‘boil their bones and fry their skin!’

  17. The Peach is on the move!

  18. Now the fantastic fox string quartet have began playing in the Castle Arcade playing some very elegant music!

  19. Now the fantastic fox string quartet have began playing in the Castle Arcade playing some very elegant music!

  20. You have been warned!!! 🍑🍑🍑

  21. Chaos on St Mary’s Street today! A giant peach is on the move! People are drawn to it’s size, but are unsure what to do. Carwyn Jones has a made an announcement to calm the people and has declared “Everything is under control”.

  22. 🔴 Última hora: ¡Cardiff ha sido invadida por un melocotón gigante!

  23. As the fantastic fox family continue to play the hunters are outside Castle Arcade, trying to find the fantastic Mr. Fox

  24. Chaos on St Mary’s street today! A giant orange peach is on the move!!! People are drawn to its size. Unsure what to do. Carwyn Jones makes announcement to calm the people and declares “Everything is under control”.

  25. There is a fizzwopping buzz on St Mary’s Street as crowds flock towards Westgate Street to follow the Cardiff Peach! Will you manage to keep it in your sights?

  26. Young acrobats are having a good read on St. Mary Street!

  27. Im hungry for fruit…peaches mabye? 😉😉😉

  28. Live protest for the peach Grassroots aspie group

  29. Huge crowds have gathered to see the giant peach in front of the castle!

  30. There is a book installation, with acrobatics later on. a huge decoration of books

  31. Queens Arcade. Bring a brolly there at 3! 😂

  32. *dancing to Randy Newman*

  33. So many human beans out on the streets – be careful whilst splatch-winkling through the crowds outside! Have you checked out the indoor arcades recently? Gloriumptus, sblendigedig stuff going on!

  34. What a marvellous day it is that fiction could come alive in the centre of Cardiff. Ella, grassroots with the bulletin.

  35. It was very exciting to see the giant peach in wood street! Everyone was very surprised to see the giant peach. There was a lot of activity with the emergency services and there response to the event. This is so great looking forward to see a lot more today and tomorrow!

  36. During the city of the unexpected I really enjoyed the part when the giant peach appeared and people were protesting with signs saying save the peach!

  37. Welcome peach! Croeso Eirinen Wlanog! ¡Bienvenido melocotón! Sveikas atvykęs, persike! Bienvenues toutes le monde! 🛩🛩

  38. Geroge at it again with his “medicines” for nana, outside Cardiff Central at 3:30!!! Good for what ails ya!

  39. Roald Dahl est un inspiration pour tous les enfants mondiale! Et en France!

  40. You’re my Cardiff, my only Cardiff… 🎶🎶

  41. You’re my Cardiff, my only Cardiff… 🎶🎶

  42. The Witches have flown away from City Hall where they were catching more children for their scrumptious stew. Guess who else is wandering through?

  43. CAAARRRDDDDIFFFFF

  44. *singing* You are my Cardiff, my only Cardiff!!!

  45. Favorite Roald Dahl book: “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory” What is yours people? Share your passion on the marvellous Roald Dahl!

  46. Check out St Mary’s St. For some marvelous acrobatics performed bt some very flexible foxes

  47. *singing* You are my Cardiff, my only Cardiff!!!

  48. Check out St Mary’s St. For some marvelous acrobatics performed by some very flexible foxes

  49. Canon in D now playing in Central Library 💗💗💗

  50. Who knew Mr Fox could jump so high?! Whoopsy wiffling!

  51. Horray for harps!!! 🎶🎵🎶

  52. Glenn Miller on harps? Who would have guessed it? 😄😄😄

  53. Come and hear the beautiful harps in St Davids – they’re next to TGI Fridays! Even better, they represented the UK at the international harp festival in Nantes in France!

  54. Dynamic Harps represented the UK at the International Harp Festival in Nantes, France. Twinned with Cardiff!

  55. Dynamic Harps represented the UK at the International Harp Festival in Nantes, France. Twinned with Cardiff!

  56. Dynamics harps performing Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”

  57. Living on a Prayer for harps *rocks head*

  58. Esperando a ver MR FOX y su funambulismo – 17:20 delante del castillo

  59. Let it snow! ❄️❄️

  60. Absolutely breathtaking tightrope walking from Mr. Fox

  61. Say cheese! 📸 Patata!!!

  62. Something peculiar has happened to the animals on the castle walls!

  63. We’re having a break for dinner! Don’t miss the Finale & Wedding – 19:30 City Hall 💍

  64. Damn Norwegians. Beating us to the pole! 😉😉😉

  65. Nearly time for the wedding!

  66. Come to the city hall to see Ms Ladybird and Mr. Fireman’s wedding.

  67. Ready and waiting at City Hall to see Ms Ladybird and Mr. Fireman’s wedding!

  68. The anticipation!!

  69. Mr. Fox is back!!

  70. The biggest wedding since Will & Kate 💍

  71. Boogie!

  72. Everybody’s dancing is amazing!!

  73. Getting our jive on at City Hall! 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

  74. Are there sugar almonds at this wedding???

  75. I give it month…

  76. I adore The Flower Duet! 😍😍😍

  77. Beautifully singing.

  78. Brilliant renditions of ‘All you need is love’ by the Beatles and ‘Do you love me’! It’s all kicking off down here at the wedding! Well we were told to expect the unexpected…

  79. Beautiful introduction, lots of beautiful music!

  80. Do you love me? 🎶🎶💕

  81. And now the vows are being exchanged!

  82. And the fox has popped out if the cake!!

  83. I always cry at weddings 😭😭😭

  84. Amazing wedding!

  85. And now, City Hall is made of sweets and Chocolate! This really is unexpected! *Mouth Waters at the sight*

  86. Everything is sweets!!

  87. Licorice is taking over!

  88. My fox is on a unicycle dancing along to the music

  89. Three words: Giant. Flying. Peach.

  90. The night is rounded off by a grand show of fireworks!

  91. ¡Que vivan los novios! Nos Da

  92. Getting in the party mood!

  93. Pyjama Picnic is well underway!

  94. “It’s been amazing to be involved in something so massive, the turnout has been much bigger than I expected! The enthusiasm of everyone attending and on the team has been incredible, seeing Cardiff come together has been wonderful! I’d love to be apart of something like this again”
    Laura-Jayne Parle from Fusions Elite Cardiff

  95. The Great Pillow fight!

  96. This unexpected weekend in Cardiff draws to a close with a pyjama picnic and a rousing song by all!

  97. Remainders of the gruelling pillow fights!

  98. Glad to see the street food circus is getting in the Roald Dahl mood